i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
