you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
