Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
do herpes really smell.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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