I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
