If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
