i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
