I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
