He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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