Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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