i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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