Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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