Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
