Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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