she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
