girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
