Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
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