2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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