it hurts more in the daytime
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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