I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
