Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
