Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
