i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
