I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
