The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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