I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Found your dick twin last night
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
