Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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