..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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