I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
