he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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