I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
