ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
