WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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