apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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