New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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