i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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