Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
