yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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