Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
