I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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