Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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