Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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