Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
