it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
