do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
