My first STD was from a foam party
Where did you get a picture of my penis
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
