i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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