I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
