That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
