we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
is it fun? or sober?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
