It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
